Starting up: 02
Aman and I became friends in my early Delhi years- 2014/15, I’d say. We had a volatile friendship (seems like I had a volatile everything in my early twenties) but we also had some mad fun times together. There was a trio of us and we went to parties, listened to great music, picniced, cracked jokes, co-wrote bad poetry and thought we were the sassiest people in town. We moved to Bombay around the same time. I’ve never realised how much I’ve taken his presence for granted until he told me he's getting married and moving to Singapore for work at the end of this year. Big Moves, as they say. So, naturally, I spoke with him about life, start-ups, drugs, love, writing, fitness and friendship. I’ll be putting it up in 2 parts. This is the second and final part. You can read the first part here.
Yeah, basically. What did Delhi teach you and Bombay teach you?
Delhi’s my home. Most of my life has been in Delhi. What I learnt in Delhi is a lot of street stuff. People are just out to get you. In Bombay, you always see people hustling. Everyone is going somewhere just to earn that bread. You see people earn one-tenth of your salary but they still do more work than you. More physical work. So, you feel a bit grateful for the privilege that you have in terms of education and job opportunities. Maybe less than 5% of Indians would get that. The upward journey in my life started in Mumbai. Before that, it was a soul searching phase. Everyone should go through that complete downer phase so you can appreciate the simple things. I felt like I rose from the ashes. I was also coming out of a long relationship at that point. I could not process how much it was affecting me. When I was actually confronted with my first heartbreak, I didn’t understand what was going on until it was too late. I didn’t have a support system where I could call them and be like- I’m sad.
What’re you apprehensive about when it comes to moving to Singapore?
That I won’t be able to smoke up. Domestic help is a big one.
How does it feel to be making more money than ever before?
I stopped enjoying incremental money changes in the last year. I was earning enough. I didn’t want to bump up my lifestyle according to my salary. I also realised I’m having a good run, it’s not necessary that I get the same amount a decade down the line. It’s also about calibrating your future income. If I started spending more and more, I’d be less happy. I need to always have a buffer. Although, I still can’t afford a house in Bombay or Bandra.
I’m sure you can afford one in Powai.
Yeah but who wants to live in Powai?
Good point. How has money changed you?
I think it’s made me a better person. In that, I get paid according to what I think I’m worth. I feel like my skills are highly valued and that feeds into my self-esteem. A lot of people will have multiple degrees but will not earn as much as me because I do a very niche thing and this niche thing requires domain knowledge, right? People search for that one craftsman who knows how to make that one style of culture or musician. I feel like I’ve developed that skill. If you’re not getting paid enough and you’re slogging your ass off, you won’t be happy. I won’t have to worry about day to day comforts. Although, general happiness comes from being valued, etc. in the organisation or you have years under your belt.
Why algorithmic trading in particular?
It’s a solid career in terms of work-life balance and compensation. It has a component of quick feedback. If you make a change in your software, you can immediately see if it did well or it did worse. Either, it’ll make more money or less money. In terms of feedback, it happens very quickly.
Tell me about one friendship that endured.
Ours did, man. Remember I tried to break up with you as a friend?
When was this? I think I’ve repressed this memory.
This was in Delhi. Because, I’d had enough of your bullshit. And then you said, no. You can’t do that, you can’t break up with a friend.
That’s true, though. Ideally, you shouldn’t be breaking up with a friend unless I slept with your girlfriend or something, which I did not.
But obviously, you didn’t do anything bad but you also were mean.
Ya.
Generally mean.
Thanks, you’ve said that thrice already.
Yeah, what was going on with you? I feel like you were going through an experimental phase like a crusade against men.
I still am. I deeply dislike most men. It’s just that now I obviously love my friends. You just caught me in a funny time.
Yeah, like the whole Fight Club thing.
Yeah, like I hated society. Did you see my life? I lived in a house with no windows, I was dating an alcoholic, not even dating, I don’t even know what that was. But, I had a lot of fun with you. Those were like my pockets of solace.
Yeah, it was.
Part of it was also that I could sense that you were sad and that annoyed me.
(laughs)
That’s the worst part.
Like, now if you were sad, I’d just be your friend, I wouldn’t be a cunt. But, I was sad so I was like oh my god, now I gotta make space for your sadness like, fuck that.
Yeah, I just met you. Don’t bring your baggage into this friendship.
It’s true, though. Back then, I was only attracting people who had a lot of baggage which says a lot about me.
Like, the people you hung out with were all like.
Plus, we were all doing drugs and we’d go to Perch and drink 7 bottles of wine. It was out of control. Do you remember that night, right before I was going to Prague, it was you, me, Kunal (name changed) and Mansi? Santosh kept buying me wine. I used to be so dumb, I could never figure out what was going on. I’d be like, oh my god yeah, somebody’s buying me wine, I’ma get wasted.
Yeah. It was a very unintentional way of living life.
Yeah, basically. Tell me about one friendship that tanked.
Mansi (name changed). We were really close. Obviously, it was very easy to push her buttons. You didn’t even know you’d pushed one. But, the more and more you know Mansi, there’s more and more buttons to discover. Finally, it just fizzled out. I went to Bombay and realised, my life is way better without this person. Obviously, when it was good, it was great. She’s a good person, warm and funny. But the other parts were like - whoa. Like, pure duality. Like, I am not equipped for such sharp emotions. If somebody is really vitriolic with me, I can’t process it. In my life, I was brought up in a very soft atmosphere. I’ve never had a caustic conversation where everything is out. Like, how you used to be with me. Like, I’ve never had somebody call me a cunt to my face.
(laughs)
Yeah, like “don’t be a cunt.” I’m like what- I’m just being sad.
(laughs) So why do you think we’re still friends today?
I think we’ve figured out moderation. If we were constantly in each other's faces, we wouldn’t be friends.
Possibly.
Everytime, we meet, it’s like you know how Mars has this moon which is a slingshot moon. It comes closer and then the gravity just throws it away like a slingshot.
(laughs)
We’re always in the orbit of each other. But, if we get too close, one of us slingshots the other one back.
(laughs) That’s somehow romantic and hurtful at the same time.
Yeah, like our destinies are intertwined but not that intertwined.
Ok ok moving on, what do you like about your partner the most?
She’s quite organized. She won’t be unhappy just for being unhappy. She makes me feel very loved.
What do you struggle with when it comes to your partner?
Ummmm. I don’t know. Sometimes, females have this...I’m trying to not sound sexist. (statement redacted)
Wow. So sexist.
Don’t put this in.
It’s definitely going in.
Noooo. Sometimes we fight because we haven’t fought for a long time. Just to get it out. Sometimes, I’ll do things that’ll piss her off.
Do you think you still have your edge?
Ya, in terms of work, I still have my edge and that’s where I want to focus my edge on, right? People don’t wanna be edgy anymore. I don’t see any benefit of being edgy. In terms of keeping myself sharp and staying fit; all of that’s going well.
Okay yeah, that’s pretty much it. Do you want to talk about anything?
What is there to talk about?
Ya, I didn’t want to get too controversial. Aise toh we can get into a lot of things.
That’s good.
To be continued.
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Image source: social media chats between Aman and I