Dicking around with Diya: Part 3
Diya Gupta, informally known as Dova Gurp, is my best friend and has been pretty much since high school although she’d deny that vehemently. One of my earlier memories of hanging out with her is her duping me into believing she’s a palm reader and me turning up at her bedside every night to “have my palm read” and believing every word of it. We’ve known each other for close to a decade and seen each other be insane, downright stupid and eventually, grow in special, undefinable jagged ways. She’s one of the smartest and funniest people I know with a kind heart and is the most excellent partner in crime (and lord knows, there’s been a fair few in a decade). So, naturally, we chatted. I’ll be posting the conversation in three parts. This is the third part. You can find the first and second part here.
What do you want from your life in 5 years?
Uh, I don’t know Papa. Number one: who asks that?
I love asking people this ya. I love knowing about people’s dreams, hopes, etc.
This is such a like, job interview type of question. If it was an interview, I’d say, I want to be most successful, blah blah blah. But no, I want to be doing whatever I’m doing at a better level. I can actually manage any solution, as long as it’s reasonable.
(laughs) Is this a callback or are you being real right now?
Absolutely not real. Who would say that? Only a man would say that. But, basically just practise enough so I’m in a position where I’m prouder of what I’m doing, doing better work, more intense but less consuming in my daily life. I want to be in the same happy relationship I am in right now. I want to have the same friends. I wouldn’t mind a couple more but just the ones I have right now are enough too. I want to be at peace and I want to garden, for sure.
Tell me one thing others would be surprised to know about you.
I don’t know because other people don’t really know me that well unless they’re my friends. What do you think? Since, you’re my friend.
Ummm. I think you’re way more sassy and fun and have these very sassy observations about people that for somebody who just met you wouldn’t expect that.
No, people think I’m very sweet-sweet and simple-simple. Which makes it even funnier to me.
Omg, I thought of another one. This is a big one.
Which one?
People think you’re very engaged when you’re listening to them but you’re basically zoning out.
This is fake news. It’s only you repeating the same story god knows what for the millionth time. Like omg, Goa has so many frogs, so much humidity, the hills are alive with the sound of music. Then, I’ll be glazed over. But, I’m a good listener.
Yeah, but you’re also very good at zoning out and then, nobody realises you’ve zoned out, which is a skill.
You know in my slam books in school, for me, it would be like daydreamers, zoned out. I need a set number of minutes in a day to daydream so I’m not fully lost in the clouds. I’m like the walter mitty of dreaming. That’s why I’m not setting any goals for myself. I’m not going to go to space, am I?
That’s super liberating to accept that. Because, I’m still like, gonna get a book published, gonna be rich.
But that’s realistic. I won’t dampen my dreams, I'll just be realistic. I can’t be a marine biologist, I can’t be an ER doctor nor an astronaut. But, I can be a good version of what I’m doing right now. But also, humans can’t grow wings. Sorry to break it to 6 year old Diya.
What about fake palm reading? You didn’t make any money off it.
Yeah, it was just for the mind games. Ok don’t add that.
I’ll add it and then add-- don’t add that.
Fine, be free.
What did you dislike the most about working in the Indian music industry?
I’ll give you an overview if that’s okay--
Ya, you keep talking and I’ll go pee.
Oh jeez, so you won’t listen?
I will but you won’t hear me.
Fine. I want you to include this part. So, I don’t want to diss because I had really nice bosses. I mistakenly thought it was a creative outlet, I hadn’t done any journalism before that. I wrote a lot. I heard good music, met some nice people but overall, the Indian music industry is a little wankfest between the same people. We both know this, everyone in it knows it. It’s impossible for somebody who’s unknown to the main players to make their way in and if they do, that’s commendable. And, people aren’t even aware of how casteist, classist and misogynistic they are.
Uvika also said a very similar thing.
When I was two years into my job, I’d been writing non-stop, interviewing so many people, I was told by somebody they'd only let me interview them unless it was a one on one hotel room situation. There was a lot of judgment and icky activity. This is why we’re not going anywhere. You’re putting DJs before anything else because they’re cheaper. There’s nothing wrong with it but we have too many DJs, we need more musicians and more space given to composers, instrumentalists, bands. Real encouragement of things which are truly creative. It’s like a tiny Delhi circle jerk, Bombay circle jerk or Bangalore circle jerk. People act super benevolent when they give space to a producer from Chennai or Bhubaneswar. You need to call them, help them play, expose them to a larger audience. I left so jaded dude. It was IQ zero, it was a wank fest between men and they wanted the women as groupies, not like fully functioning human beings. When I started dressing better and looking better, people started to like me more. I was like-- I also like the way I look now but I don’t want to hang out with you because how judgmental is that? I don’t like it. That sounded very harsh.
It’s not very harsh, it’s the truth. Even Uvika was like you can’t be a woman in the Indian music industry without getting assaulted at least once.
Dude, either you need to have a dick or suck a dick.
What are your thoughts on the body positivity movement on social media?
Dude. I saw like, a social media post about “love your body, etc. work out hard no matter what size you are” which are all great messages and then, “rub it in people’s faces” which is the essence. It’s still, number 1, pretty generic. Even if you have an unconventional body, it’s respected more if it’s in certain proportions, it’s in expensive clothes, the hair is a certain way, the face is a certain way. Overall acceptance? No, I don’t think so. It’s quite hypocritical. I don’t have a problem with the movement, it’s really good. There’s a point you have to talk about people’s health. I wish somebody had told me in a very specifically gentle way without shaming me when I was overweight and it needs to seep into places like the medical industry. Instead of being kind to people, doctors are assholes. You can’t be body positive unless you practise kindness, I feel.
Finit.
If you like my work, you can subscribe & share or support me by buying me a coffee here.Image source: Diya and I dicking around in New Delhi pre-pandemic